The Man Who Wasn't There....

I'm losing my mind...
You can't look into the abyss without it looking back...
Monsters...nightmares...
And yet I cannot turn away.

I go deeper...is it the abyss or is it myself...
I have lost the trail and I didn't leave bread crumbs.
I feel myself flaking away- like old paint...
A new sub dermal me emerges...

Who are you?
Who am I? Who are you?
Me? I'm me...but who are you?
I AM you...

No-NO!
Yes....YES!
If you are me, then who am I?
Me.....

Travel without, travel within...

As I ran my fingers up her leg I contemplated my own sexuality...how I choose to express it...

Its so inappropriate, I can't help but thinking about the vicious crimes that I have analyzed...I am confused; I am repulsed and concerned about my thoughts...and yet her skin is so soft...I am excited to have her here with me...

Her body is beautiful...and she's so receptive to my touch...as I roam her body...touching and tasting...my mind is calculating...

It is transposing my excitement to sexual based crimes...I hate this...and yet I must do this...and yet I cannot help it although my mind is screaming stop...

I need to understand...so I can find them...stop them...teach the public about them...

I use this female, both for my own pleasure (and hopefully hers), while simultaneously teaching myself about the power of sexual excitement...

I must learn more...I did...but in order to do that I had to go deeper...and push my sexual expressions to the very center of my fantasy...touch it...and feel what it does to me...only then was I able to understand...it was clear and powerful...

There Be Monsters here...

With her underwear still on her left leg, a female adult lay slumped against the small apartment wall...her head propped up by the wall, her back on the floor, and one leg on the bed.

Her shirt was torn off. The apartment was a diseased hellhole, ridden with filth...of all kinds. The bruising on her neck and the bulging of her tongue suggested strangulation.

Not too far from her body was another man. He was of mid years, say 47ish...white male. In the center of his chest was a hole big enough to put your hand in. The detectives were guessing twelve gage.

Still yet, another male sat in the living room of this fancy card board box, not saying too much. Probably shock...

Upon further investigation, it was determined that the female was the girlfriend of the man sitting on the couch. She and her boyfriend were into many things, including prostitution. It's an old story...girlfriend sells herself for her boyfriend's drug habit. This time however they ran into a monster. A quiet master of deception...a spider who lures such prey into his web and kills them for sexual gratification.

Boyfriend/pimp hears the girl calling for help while in the apartment, boyfriend comes in and kills the subject. Girl is dead.

The suspect was middle aged. Given this fact and the apparent ease and skill of his act, he has probably killed before. Such pathology usually emerges during puberty, but isn't acted on until early to mid twenties. I'm sure when we look at this person under a microscope, we'll find that some of our missing ran across his path at some point.